My parents use to have three plastic trays hung on the wall over the kitchen table. They were usual Irish sayings like "May you be in Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead" and such. One that sticks in my mind is the saying I want to write about today. That is "An Irishman isn't drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass and not fall off the earth."
Since I can't drink anymore, this particular saying needed to be modified in my head to include life and how its lived. Jack Nicholson said it well in "As Good as it Gets" when he pointed out that his gay neighbor wasn't mad about how bad he had things, he was mad about how others had it so good. It seems sometimes that no matter how hard we try, the hole just gets deeper and deeper. My wife told me on New Years Eve in 1999 that "the bigger the change, the more upheaval." To me, it didn't make much sense until six days later when the world changed through a tremendous upheaval. It was then, at almost 3am the fire department was hauling me out of the bathroom and the front of my house was lit up with red and blue lights.
We make the best of things and sometimes, when we think nobody is listening, talk aloud about things. Doesn't matter if they are good things or bad things, it's just things. Since that New Years night, there has been plenty of loss and not much motivation to keep things going. Since then, I've lost a lot of friends, many people who have crossed my path throughout life and finally, my wife. There has been uphill battles and downhill slides but in there a few times, there was a light that shined.
When our granddaughter was born, my wife pushed everyone out of the way to get to her first. She would sit for hours content with just holding her and watching as she slept. I use to say that the sun rose and set on her when it came to my wife and she would just sideways smile and go back to holding her like a fragile package. She wouldn't sing but she would utter some words from time to time and just smile.
I never counted financial losses because they are a part of life and since everyone makes mistakes, well I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I was and still am, holding onto one blade of grass, trying desperately not to fall off the face of the earth. The stability is gone, along with many other things and since we were avid admirers of the road, that's where I decided to try and get some answers. It was an interesting way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
While you hold onto a blade of grass, you can't think back.